You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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