I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
