A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
