I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
