I cannot find my penis.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize