just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
