Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
