Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
