I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
