haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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