I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize