Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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