Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
