Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
