we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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