was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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