Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
