Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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