she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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