Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
