kristin has been a bad kristin
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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