Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
