I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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