think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize