Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
