so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
