My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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