I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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