She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize