so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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