dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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