Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize