Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I looked at my own cervix.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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