You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
