I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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