When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize