Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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