Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
