you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
