I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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