Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
