I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
