The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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