My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize