If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
