I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
