I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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