I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
