I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
