Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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