Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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