I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
