party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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