I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
