i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
