I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So much rum. So many feels.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
