It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize