You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
