i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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