NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
