Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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