oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
