either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
