dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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