So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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