I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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