clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize