i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
