I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
