My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Terrible idea I love it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
