You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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