All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I touched a dick in church today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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