i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
