I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
