PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's blow job season.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize