do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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