she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
