i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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