You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
