im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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