Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
