Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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