Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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