yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize