Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
