Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
