Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
