I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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