haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So much rum. So many feels.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
