I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize