You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
