ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
