This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
