how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize