I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
