i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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