Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
