I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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